I didn’t always have Goddess Superpowers. When I was a kid, I was a full blown tomboy. (Well, other than the fact that I loved pretty clothes and getting dressed up.) My best friend, Ann, and I were the only girls in a neighborhood overrun with little boys we thought were crazy. Fortunately for us, most of them were our younger brothers, so we could either ignore them or yell at them and they’d leave us alone. Neither Ann nor I were girly girls. We didn’t play with dolls and didn’t really like playing ‘house’ or having tea parties. We were wild in our own right. We climbed trees, played in the woods surrounding our houses, and rode our bikes up steep hills then turned around and coasted back down, never touching the brakes, zooming down the hill, as fast and as far as we could go! We were invincible; beaming with delight, our pony tails trailing in horizontal clouds behind us. Freedom was sweet!
Growing up with three younger brothers, I had certain privileges, as the only girl and the eldest. That became a double-edged sword when I entered puberty. Suddenly, my younger brothers were allowed to do things I wasn’t. My dad started treating me differently. He regularly told me, “Young ladies don’t act like that.” I told him, ‘If that’s the case, then I don’t want to be a young lady. I just want to be myself!” Now, the liberty I’d known as a child was being limited in ways I didn’t understand.
I started to realize that it wasn’t so great being a girl, after all. My body started changing in ways that were horrifying to me. The the hormones kicked in, at puberty, I started gaining weight, and before I knew it, curves appeared where previously I’d been lean and athletic. My body no longer looked like me. And I hated what was happening to it. My body started looking more like my mother’s. She had been battling her weight for as long as I can remember. Most of the women in her family had been on perpetual diets. My mom had never been at home in her body, as far as I knew. I didn’t want to live like that.
Over time, this fear and loathing of my womanhood, morphed into eating disorders that went on for decades. Eventually, I was able to heal. It took years, though, for me to recognize how fully I had rejected myself. Healing meant learning to love and accept myself, my body, my feminine nature.
What does this have to do with the Goddess and Feminine Superpowers? All I can tell you is when I started to realize how fragmented I had been for most of my life, I was drawn to start writing, in hopes of righting my life. For a long time, no one knew that I wrote. I’d taken a Creative Writing class at the Jr. College and been given a C, after putting my heart into the pieces I wrote. I was devastated and stopped writing for a long time. Eventually, I started writing again, but, only for me. I spent years in quiet contemplation, and writing my way through the ideas, old habits and destructive ways I’d adopted of thinking of myself.
Somewhere, in the midst of that excursion into my own underworld, my father passed away. The grief was devastating. Even as an adult, my dad had always been there for me. Even when we didn’t agree, and there was plenty about which we didn’t agree, I knew he loved me. He had always been my rock.
Five years after his passing, I sat at his gravesite and wrote in my journal. He and I had a little conversation. I came away from it more confident and at peace with myself. I knew I needed to write more. Not in secret, but write what I had to say to the world. A month later, I joined an online writers group. Shortly after that a wonderful, creative woman named Julie Jordan Scott, posted about a weekly class for writers that she was offering. I joined, and forced myself to read my writing to the other women on the call. I was sure what I wrote was terrible. I thought everyone else’s sounded so good. My desire to write was stronger than my fear. As time went on, and the group met over and over, we all started to notice and comment about hearing the voice of the Goddess in one another’s writing. It was remarkable. I met my friend, Adela in that first group call with Julie, in 2004.
For me, the voice of the Goddess grew stronger and stronger. In time, a few of us from the original group started a new one, we called Goddess Writing. That was in 2006. And the Goddess started speaking to me on a regular basis. I would sit with my notebook and invite her in. The moment I opened my heart and sincerely asked for her guidance, it was as though my pen had a life of its own. I had done channeled writing years before, when I needed guidance, but this time the voice I heard and the language She used was distinct. I posed a question or request and the words started pouring into my mind and onto the page. I called her the Goddess of Now because the wisdom She shared was timeless, and there was a lightness to her delivery. She was everything and nothing. Everywhere and nowhere. She helped me to embrace myself, body and soul, realize the value and immense blessing of being a woman, and helped me to finally trust myself. Since then, my intuition has grown stronger, my creativity has soared, and, at long last I have a healthy, happy relationship with my body.
There is so much more I could say, but what I most want to convey to you is that we all have this Divine Spark within us. There are many reasons why we may choose to either be oblivious to it, or push it away. Without it, though, we are only half alive. We get by, but we don’t have access to that sparkling lust for life that most of us know deep down is our birthright and deepest desire. We have been taught to believe that if we had more money, or a baby, or the right clothes, or a new home, we will finally feel fulfilled. Eventually, we learn that though those things are wonderful, they don’t change the way we feel inside, about ourselves. The only home that makes us feel ‘at home’, once and for all, is within us. The Goddess, that has always dwelt within us, can finally come foreground to be a guiding light in our lives. Once we make that Divine connection we are truly at home with all of who we are. And then, the Superpowers start to kick in.
My writing sister and colleague, Adela Rubio, and I are offering a brand new journey of discovery and awakening for women, called The Goddess Revolution, for those of you who’d like to connect more fully with your own Goddess energy and essence. We start this Saturday, February 4th, and would love to have you join us! You can learn more and register here.